No matter how many compliments I accept on my general awesomeness, that does not make me faultless. Even in the area I thought I really had covered: Love. I love everybody, EVERY SINGLE BODY. In abstract, in person, in relationship, in thought, in service, in words, in every way I can show it, I love you and I love God (the two are inextricably related). Except sometimes I’m a bit of a snob. And on occasion, a gossip. In those circumstances, when the ugly in me wants to hate on someone, I slip into a dehumanizing mode. Its easier to vilify whomever or to present them as so one-dimensional that clearly they are not even human (and thus, I don’t have to exert any extra effort into loving them). Now, please realize that this is most frequently with people I don’t really know…Which somehow actually makes this seem worse. Weird. Ugh, I am so flawed.

Anyways, I had this great revelation Wednesday (the 21st) when I was driving. Driving and shower/bathe-ing, by the way, are like THE BEST times to think. I love thinking. I also like being clean. But back to the revelation. So I was puzzling over my snobbery, especially regarding higher education and things like that, and trying to reconcile it with my whole liberal/hippie-like outlook on life, which is a more “Love All” approach. I was like, these two don’t work together! And I am really trying to curb the snobbery. But that’s when I realized, “oh, that’s how my mind gets around it – I dehumanize the people I don’t like, or don’t feel of accord with, or want to be a snob about – and that way I can still be all, but I love everyone.” Please do realize though that as soon as I have the realization that I’m getting snobby about someone I go and actively curb it, reminding myself to love them. And that hate is just love missed its mark, etc. etc. [10 bonus points to whoever knows where that is from, because I can't remember]. But still, it’s a tendency. A sinful tendency, I think. Although I don’t know, and then we get all into the definition of sin and that’s not one I’m ready to tackle today because it’s still kinda stewing on the back burner in my brain.

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;

2 O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

3 If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?

4 But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.

5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

6 My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.

8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

It’s nice and short, very succinct in venting my frustration, futility, and fear to the Lord, but also acknowledges that I am on a path guided by Him, that I am waiting with hope and trust to do the work I feel called to, and it also acknowledges the complete sovereignty, awesomeness, and love that is God. I’m sure it’ll be memorized soon. It really does help me get through the work assignments I detest. Praise God! – and that is where I’m coming from today.

“Praise God” is exactly what I was just thinking, and I thought, “Oh, I should have a prayer-like verse of thanksgiving for my days when all I want to do is praise Him.” So google helps me out in searching for sites with thanksgiving-related bible verses and voila, I’m awash with praise for God. Awesome! I’m looking for a short verse, like the one above, which I can print and put next to 130 on my cubical wall, just to sort of add that ‘if, then’ factor – as in, ‘I cried out and then He lifted me’!

I am so happy when I think about God. I love Him SO MUCH. He’s just truly amazing, giving, powerful, loving, kind, good! It is very nearly unfathomable for me to conceive of someone who knows about Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit and not be filled with extreme joy at the very thought of all the Lord has done, does, and will do for us. Sometimes I think to believe in the Christian god is the most narcissistic, selfish thing but at the same time, it is what drives me to serve and love others, so…anyways I’m getting off-topic.

Psalms! Looking at the psalms, I decided I wanted one that was actively praising God, not just saying “yeah, yeah, we’re gonna praise Him so much…” and I’ve found a couple of good ones here: among others, 92 is pretty praise-y but since I don’t struggle against enemies or wickedness per se at work (just general misery and a feeling that while I sit here fixing spreadsheets there are preventable deaths and social injustices occurring that I am not working to halt), I don’t really need to thank the Lord for his vengence. Nor did I want one that was a group voice, like “oh yeah, we love what you’ve done for us, Lord” or “hey all y’all, you best praise the Lord for what He’s done” So I found a few in this brief search; but I’m going to print Psalm 30 because it seems like almost a direct response to 130 (and yes, I get that it’s more about a literal rescue from illness, but in my world despair is an illness, a blight on my being, and that is how I pray this):

1 I will exalt you, O LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

2 O LORD my God, I called to you for help
and you healed me.

3 O LORD, you brought me up from the grave [b] ;
you spared me from going down into the pit.

4 Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
praise his holy name.

5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

6 When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”

7 O LORD, when you favored me,
you made my mountain [c] stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.

8 To you, O LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:

9 “What gain is there in my destruction, [d]
in my going down into the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
10 Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
O LORD, be my help.”

11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

Footnotes:
b.Psalm 30:3 Hebrew Sheol
c.Psalm 30:7 Or hill country
d.Psalm 30:9 Or there if I am silenced

I mean, yeah, it’s a little longer than 130′s eight verses, but four more ain’t no big thang. And did you read it? Or did you just skim it or skip down to this paragraph? ‘Cause you should really read it. Seriously. I’ll wait.

JUBILATION! Exactly what I want to pray when everything’s going aright at work – Praise be! Look at what the Lord has done! Thank you for hearing my prayer! You, Lord, are too cool for school! You rescued me! – plus, BONUS: two famous verses in this psalm. I am just learning constantly and love it, Lord! Psalm 30:5b “weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” True, that. and verse 11′s “You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy” – amen to that! Ok, I am beginning to see why some people really dig Psalms. I mean, this is all very new to me. I’ve always glossed over Psalms because I was all like, who wants to read old tuneless hymn texts from ancient temple days? How useful is that, really? But at the same time I was all, except everyone seems to be really into them – I must not be getting something here. Oh, ignorance! How blinding you are! So yeah, I’ve discovered the draw of Psalms, and I’m thinking we’re starting on a lifelong relationship here, me and that book. Cool.

O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.